Etiquette part 2: Hospitality

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One of the starkest differences between life in Syria and life in the UK is around hospitality and generosity. ‘Going Dutch’ is fairly standard in the UK – which means that you split a bill in a restaurant, or pay for yourself. And a gift received is quickly reciprocated of the same value – so that there is no ‘debt’. Needless to say, Brits are pretty far down the stingy end of the generosity spectrum! We like to break even – giving and receiving in equal measure. And we absolutely hate to lose money or feel hard done by… Money has significant value beyond what it can buy – it is sensitive, and is unconsciously measured.  



Syrians are fairly high up the other end of the generosity spectrum. When we first arrived, we were invited out to dinner or drinks or ice cream several times, and we were unable to offer money to pay for anything. We tried to reason with our hosts, to argue with them, to force money on them, but alas. The almost desperate need to pay equally (a value to me) was smacked away with a friendly hand.
 
2 cultures clashing. For me, I felt uncomfortable not being able to contribute towards a bill, and to repay a favour. But for my Syrian friends, it was unimaginable to allow visitors to pay for food. Even when I asked a friend to help me find some toiletries in the shops locally, she would not let me pay for them. Her generosity was culturally appropriate for her, and pretty uncomfortable for me! I currently have about 8 people who have bought me things or paid for things that I cannot easily repay…
 
Syrians also regularly buy gifts, and bring in snacks and sweets to share. It is a huge blind spot for me; it simply does not even enter my head to do such things. So, I am trying to NOT keep a receipt in my head of how much I ‘owe’ to various people who have bought me things, but trying to exercise general generosity more frequently than at home. Typically, this will be shown through bringing in cakes and sweets to work, and buying small gifts for girl friends as I see things they would like. It is a learning curve… but also a nice way to live.

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